Grateful for the platform Womens Web to be able to voice my feelings, my relationship with pain. Very emotional about this cause. It was among the featured article that time, I remember. Now no longer live the platform, have housed the article here , home. July 2020.
Endometriosis: A good part of my life I’ve spent with you, and spent fearing you. But is that it?
There is more to us than that. I thought I owed it to myself to find a place for you. Here I am.
I try,
I try to find a place for you in my life
But that’s not to question
How much of a presence you had
As you flooded me
Invisible, inconceivable, inside
Days, months, years….
I try,
I try to find a place for you in my life
I knew you and felt you
The fierce, breaking, recurring pain was hard to neglect
Belittled though by the agony of not being understood,
With good intent,
Cajoled by gentle yet piercing judgement
‘I know what this is, you ought to, you have to, you…’, they said
Ah, the stories I heard about you
There was no room for mine then.
I try,
I try to find a place for you in my life
As I think of feeling wrapped by dark nights of despair
Much like your dark blanket that swathed my insides
Spreading far and wide
But whether it was time, our familiarity, I am not too sure
But I was sure of our different relationship, and that gave me comfort
It was a beginning
I try,
I try to find a place for you
Our journey,
Nourishment, healing, an intervention
It brought me then, face-to-face with you
Brought me some relief
With love,
‘We trust what you feel, you were a warrior’, they said
My truth, our truth was brought into the light
I try,
I try to find a place for you
The journey and the light had led me further
And life, brought me a great gift,
Grateful to life, grateful to them, grateful to faith
The dark clouds had receded a bit
Gave me moments to breathe
And bask in the glory of the new rainbow(s)
As I now look back and make peace with you
As I forgive,
As I learn,
As truth of unfathomable battles begins to be respected
As hope, trust, love and gratitude come,
Spread,
And overshadow fear
I find,
I find a place for you.
