Not a pendulum, a clock…
Emotions moving from one to another,
In kind, in intensity
Hours blending into days
Feeling, unfeeling
I live one moment, one day at a time
Something that I had been trying to do
But why does it feel like this, now…
Emotions, blending into each other,
The foggy window pane on misty cold mornings, only lacking that comfort
A surprise smile, a laugh jolted into the reality of the present
The feeling in the pit of my stomach,
The one just before the roller coaster takes the steepest bend
And then there are moments of not feeling anything
A numbness,
I carry on with the task at hand
O so grateful to them, the tasks at hand
“Work your hands”, I hear an elder’s voice in me
There is gratitude
But many a times guilt meets me too
Helplessness, anger, fear
Surrender?
I wonder…
Surrender.
My heart beats fast as I pray for those fighting
Fighting hard, on all sides
Their surrender, their faith, their resolve, their hope
Their fear, their loss, their helplessness, their pain too
Longing.
Deep love and deep longing
Time seems even slower then
Memories, stories, sounds and images float on my mind
Bringing smiles and tears
People, people I long for , I pray
People, people who’ve moved on
Am I even staying with them, I pray, I ponder
Loss, of so many kinds, I ponder some more
As time moves on
I ponder, I try
Sheltered.
At home, in mind and heart.
By love
Guided by every moment to ‘be’
Hope.
There is hope that pays a visit in moments, like a flickering flame at dusk
A flower blooming in the sunshine, a child’s smile not different from it
A familiar fragrant aroma from warm food, a hand that comforts,
A word that heals, a song that soothes…
An exchange of messages with a friend as we admire the crimson sky, the sun and the calming moon
I listen, I share
A reminder that we are all in this together, more aware of our interconnectedness than ever,
We will heal together, I hope, I heart
And everything that comes, even hope, comes and meets me in a spectrum
My emotions are together too
I smile and cry, wonder and ponder, scream and scramble….
Maybe more
And maybe it’s okay, and I meet them all,
I try, I flow
I feel warm, listen to my heart, I love
A moment after another, a day after another
I hold on, I hold ….
~Ramya, April 30 2021
Photo – November 2006, a picture of the ever flowing railway lines, at a trip to Alibaug near Mumbai with office friends
